Pearl Buck and I

Pearl Buck. Over the years I have read some of her books. For 5 years or so her book, "The Child Who Never Grew", has sat on my bookshelf unread. I've tried to read it in the past, but couldn't manage to get past the first few pages. I just wasn't ready. It happens that Pearl Buck and I have something in common. I would love to say that my writing is as wonderful as hers, but that's not it. We both bore a child with special needs. There are many years difference in our experience; however, the feelings and concerns that tore at Pearl's heart many years ago are much the same as the ones that plague me now. She manages to convey these feelings and concerns in a style that is wise and eloquent.

"The Child Who Never Grew" is her account of finding a way and a means to deal with a 'retarded' child. This book would not be considered 'PC" by today's standards, but its ideas are timeless. What Buck refers to as "inescapable sorrow" is well known to me.

"...for endurance of inescapable sorrow is something which has to be learned alone. And only to endure is not enough. Endurance can be a harsh and bitter root in one's life, bearing poisonous and gloomy fruit, destroying other lives. Endurance is only the beginning. There must be acceptance and the knowledge that sorrow fully accepted brings its own gifts. For there is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness." Pearl Buck 1950

I guess I just haven't gotten to the fully accepting part. I certainly don't feel wise and the joy of life has, of late, eluded me. It may just be that I'm enduring rather than accepting. For me it is a heart rending struggle from the shore of endurance to that of acceptance. I may have made the leap at times over the years thinking that I've made it only to suddenly find myself back where I started and wondering how I got back there.
Thank you Pearl for braving the world and telling your story. Your words have reached me and gently pull me toward a better tomorrow.